D for Drab…Drab means Dostana

by Srikanth Mantravadi

If promos ever made a film,Dostana had to be it. Sweeping shots of the picture perfect Miami landscape,oodles of firangs in bikinis,Shilpa Shetty in a two piece,Priyanka Chopra in a one piece and John almost in a no piece!I was wolf whistling even before the show began.But being the eternal waiter I waited for the reviews to pour in.Usually I trust Rajeev Masand with his film reviews and he gave it three out of five.And so began my other wait.The disc in my hand I slavered at the thought of what it held in store for me.Without any further ado I lunged at the VCD player,plonked the disc in and sat back in anticipation.The YRF advertisements came on and were thoroughly annoying.So I fast forwarded till the movie began.
Tarun(director) begins with a bang opening the movie unimaginably with a song.And just as I was dropping into my bean bag out came Shilpa Shetty.”So early” I murmured and soon enough John was tantalisingly holding my eyeballs to ransom,putting on display an unholy body part of his.The camera lingered more on John’s crevices than Shilpa’s curves but I wasn’t disappointed.For this provided me with a lifetime opportunity to,well,count the moles on John’s chest(Just joking).My eyes ogled at John’s sculpted Adonis’esque
bod and I almost forgot there was this guy called Abhishek Bacchan in there,lost in the skin show.Considering the overt display of skin all around this guy was like a demure bride just about managing a gyration here and a spiral there.As like all good things the song came to an end and my woes began.
My issues with Dostana are numerous.For starters it lacks a fluid script that would have kept the film going, injecting that feverish pace we associate with Priyadarshan and his likes.Instead Dostana rambles on.It drags on like an excessively masticated chewing gum stretched till breaking point.Essentially Dostana is an extended gags show,the kind Cyrus Sahukar and his buddies puts up on MTV.Some are funny,let me admit,but most of them are so feeble and flimsy you would be gritting your teeth.The actors appear as if they are going through the motions,hamming it up KJo style conveniently.John sparkles only in the opening song and later stands like a lifeless bimbo mouthing listless dialogues.Abhishek mutters a few crisp one liners,atleast he thinks they are crisp.Priyanka never looked so good but her earnest attempts fall flat.Bobby Deol as the boss of Priyanka is so kiddish you would want to pull his cheeks and caress his hair.
Now for the non existent USP of the film-The gay theme.Even before I saw the film I knew the guys in B-town could not be so bold enough to attempt a subject like homosexuality.It’s funny when Kiron Kher and Boman Irani get inlvoved in that one scene but from thereon it’s all downhill.The exasperating part is the way it conveniently keeps resurfacing now and then.It’s a ploy to sustain viewer interest who may be feeling somnolent after all.
Peel away the gloss of Dostana and all you would find would be a drab and insipid love story.It’s like paying and watching MTV.Heed my advice-Don’t watch it.

My Rating-Two Tears!!

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